Freiraum | Open Space

Something like this had to happen before I leave. Strange situation and I think it was really just coincidence. Who knows? Finally as I was going for dinner, heading to the little restaurant where we have been after the cinema but somehow my legs became so heavy. Couldn’t walk another step. Maybe it was the wrong time, the wrong day.
I walked starving another way and came somehow back to where it began. I crossed this park again, the second time today but this time you were not there. Did you know that thy moved our bench? It’s gone, I mean today it was wet anyway but it is really gone, just a grassless spot on the ground marked the magical place. Walking back ‘home’

I found some food in the middle of people going out and having their mind full of this crazy stuff, this crazy late night rules. It’s so discusting seeing them. How lost, what a wrong way. Every weekend again, just destroy the little soul that had just a few days time to evolve. The thing is, I am not afraid of their games. I’m not afraid of some guys looking at me because they feel I attract their girls. It’s actually funny, I don’t care braking my nose. I would even smile afterward. It’s like climbing high. You just gave me all for that.

What did we miss today? Our feelings, it was just too far away. I am sorry maybe it is like this now. Maybe we can’t go back, everything is lie. It would take to much to get back what there was once in the air. It would be a long way. But top be honest what is it anyway what I want? I miss you, I feel for you. In the last days I can’t think about anything else then sex. I mean thinking about you is amazing, it’s really something but it’s something so easy to think about something else. Don’t even know what I write here anymore. More reasons to think I am a jerk. Probably I am. Sometimes I am more thinking about my self then anything else. I’m more afraid to miss the opportunity to have sex then to miss you. Maybe it’s wrong I want to be with you. I would like you to be close, here with me. I would like to be where you are now. Yes Ok there are moments when you are so close. I don’t know. I feel there is something not said, something is never said. I’m just tired and it’s very late but I feel like writing drunk. What is it about you. There is this perfect thought somewhere in me, it’s not to heavy and not to light, enough from what is important, a little bit more so that we both feel good and right. I can’t explain this thought it’s there as a comfortable warm point. Something I can’t make you understand, something you couldn’t make me understand. It’s something we had to develop together. We just had to experience. I know it would be great - good.

Anyway. Would be nice if we can be some kind of friends and you add me one day again when I am there or someone else. I don’t believe there is another chance from now on. I guess today this was it. Sure I know myself, probably you would think the same. So something will come. I still feel I haven’t tried to call you in the last time. Maybe then you will respond. The last time I knocked on your door was together with Michelle and you were not there, no actually it was as I brought you my first, and almost only letter together with the CD. Don’t even know if you got it or not. So much happened and why can’t I understand that the things you don’t do are much more then the things you do. I don’t know. But just please think and know one thing, there is no reason to be scared. To hear this was really really hard. I mean by all what was…
It’s time for me to sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day. It’s half to four. Have a good night, day.

Can’t believe you were really there!

Reply to Marco

Completely unrelated to this post but I was looking for WTC. Please post it!

Reply to Daniel