Freiraum | Open Space

It’s Sunday Morning and I need to go working in about an hour.

People ask me to write more WTC and less philosophical – deep, stuff. Sure I think I will as soon as I feel like doing it. Right now, I had a very interesting time. Deep thoughts, I felt a bit melancholic, almost dark-red romantic but also from time to time a bit demotivated. I would like to write about life hidden in my cooking adventures but somehow I never experienced the power of the question more then now. The question of course is – What to cook? I don’t know right now. Somehow I feel I found a person that gives me inspiration. I appreciate this. Thanks life for giving me this. But when it is about what to cook, can she help me out of here? I’m done with all this pan fried steaks, fish, turkey, butterflies. I’m done with potatoes, doesn’t matter if the normal, the French or the little one. I’m done with tomatoes and finished with rice. So it’s a serious question. It’s a serious thought. I need to see what’s out there on the tables. I need to know what I can do – and I know I can do more then I’ve done. So please help me out and lead me to the answer to the question you always talking about – What to cook?

Besides that. Yesterday, and the night from Friday to Sunday was the time of pain. I woke up in the middle of the night and had the devil of a toothache. I couldn’t sleep anymore I was pressing my pillow against my mouth to stop it, I went from bed to couch from couch to bed but it didn’t stop. I almost went to the Hospital but after hours I slept in from exhaustion. Saturday morning I went to see a dentist. In the beginning it wasn’t that painful, I liked watching TV in the dentist chair while I was waiting for the examination but then as they really started it was pain again. They had to pull the nerves of the tooth that made me problems. It was like hell. In the background there was some kind of talk show about cats where people could call and they gave stupid answers about how to do this and that with a cat. Instead of helping me to forget the pain it made it worse. If I’m in an active pain like that I need to concentrate about it so I can handle it better. But with the stupid soft meaningless, just for seniors meaningful, voice of this talk show host I couldn’t fight against the pain. All the time the dentist had stopped producing pain in my mouth this talk show was calming me down and all my adrenalin went away in seconds, but adrenalin is the best painkiller humans have. So as soon as the dentist started again it was hurting like the first time. And it was even worse, the dentist started talking with her assistant about her cat and that she’s afraid of the noise from trucks on the street since she got hit by one. I couldn’t stand it. If I did anything wrong in the last time, if I maybe ask God and the Devil, can I see how heaven and hell looks like before I decide who gets my soul. This was the outlook I needed. This was hell. Now I’m looking forward to see heaven! I was bending and shaking for pain. But finally even the dentist decided that this show isn’t the right background so they changed the channel and I got now together with another injection the full attention I deserve because I was the patient! After that I got painkillers and even more painkillers. I felt like on drugs all day and had also a very good sleep.

Now I have to make myself ready for work. Right now I work around six days a week, that makes around 45 hours. That’s good, I need this right now to get my head clear and some different thoughts. Sometimes I felt like I was walking the same path again and again and I don’t like walking circles. It’s actually part of my being, my quest to leave the circle again and again so I can go to different places while I’m walking up and down my golden spiral. 06

Have a good day you all and if you don’t have to work – enjoy your remaining weekend and if you work, if you work at my place. See you there!

Marco

PS: Probably there will be an update of this post this afternoon. I just want to give a visual element for my creative motivator, my muse, my Greek Deity.

Part two. Sunday early evening.

About the joker’s faces and living with my Greek Deity in a perfect circle.

Sometimes I’m afraid things will end up all the same. That some things I have to experience again and again. It seems that I never learn to stop playing with the fire. Yes I had some trouble and it was actually not really a new theory. So you were right with that. You were right as you said it seems to be the same, it seems to happen again. You doubt it – I was sure. It’s worthless even trying, right now I prefer to give up. I said I take things easy if it works and I’ll be gone as quick as possible if not. Well, I still stayed quiet long with this one. But now, I think it’s time again to move on. Even if this time I don’t feel like doing it. It seems that I loose to much this time. I feel I’m in an almost perfect circle, but not the kind of circle that keeps me from going on, more this kind of perfect surrounding. Things are pretty good and I feel energy everywhere. Things are going forward and I think this time things can get even better, everything can be close to perfect. Maybe I shouldn’t give up. Maybe I should fight. Maybe I should show what it means to be. Maybe I should be . . .

Live can give us difficult situations to deal with from time to time. Life brings us sometimes together. All of us. Life brings us things you don’t even know if it means anything in the future. Sometimes you’ll get empty persons and still get to like them but you let them go quiet fast but sometimes life brings you persons, individuals that are part of you. Because you just know and see and feel it. You see it in you and you see it in them. I just hope we’ll understand what to do with this situations. I hope we don’t waste because we think we know. The got the lines of the following piece of writing together as I walked home today. It actually integrates a lot of thoughts, worries and feelings. A lot of things I experienced in the past and I feel right now came in to it. So it’s mixed up and is not there to describe one specific situation it’s more here to give hints in different meanings. It’s part of me and part of the ones supposed to understand. We all live in secrets but we all know how to talk. The following is my secret my lie I live everyday to remain me. To keep what I am. We all wear our mask and we might all be masters in it. So is the joker – but at least he’s showing us his mask. We keep even hiding this. Here is my lie:

- THE JOKER -

*

The joker knows

how many faces he shows

It’s the jokers art of lying

the little things that make my mind crying

my soul seems dying

I sit here alone

8

Captured once

forgotten forever

No soul to give

no soul to get

8

I need to stand up

against the valueless being

I’ll show him the mirror

I’ll show him his face

The mirror is empty

his self even less

*

Thank to my inspiration to give my thoughts a face – thank you for providing me with this marvelous photography, with this marvelous image. Now I met the joker – I saw his face . . but where is the thief?

Have a nice remaining Sunday.

Marco

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